Blogger lifeboat…

Seven bloggers on a lifeboat. You have to get rid of two of them so that the remaining five will survive. Same scenario as before: whom do you toss, and why?

1. Marty Duren
2. Ben Cole
3. Wade Burleson
4. Art Rogers
5. Dorcas Hawker
6. Tim Rogers
7. C.B. Scott



1.  Marty Duren gets to stay. Anybody who finds his home in the Appalachian wilderness for a “vacation,” marching through thickets, pines, and briars with the buoyant spirit of Burt Reynolds in Deliverance can survive a desert island. Granted, I thought it was bizarre when Marty decided to retrace the travels of Eric Robert Rudolph, but the grandaddy of SBC Blogging stays in the boat.

2.  The best reason to through me overboard is that I stand the greatest chance of surviving even in the waters.  Not even the sharks want a bite of me.  The best reason to keep me is that I have the greatest chance of making our little “three-hour tour” into a media spectacle.  We might even get our own sitcom if I pulled the right strings, and a hefty sum for the “story” to boot. :)  But yeah, I’d pretty much toss me if I was the others.

3.  Wade Burleson can’t be thrown overboard.  A fact that Chairman Tom Hatley learned the hard way.

4.  Art Rogers shouldn’t be thrown overboard, but he shouldn’t be allowed to remain in the boat either.  He should be allowed to hold to the side of the boat and pray that the sharks who won’t eat me don’t eat his legs.  Everybody knows that Art Rogers is really the mastermind behind all the blogging headaches for SBC higher-ups.  From his tiny Treo in Tulsa, Art Rogers has gripped the SBC by the throat.  Easily the most dangerous blogger, he’s steady, calm, and careful.  The good old boys would benefit greatly from his demise.  He’s also likely to let go of the boat side once he realizes that his final 30 days of life could be spent with Tim Rogers.

5.  Dorcas Hawker shouldn’t be thrown overboard, but I have a sneaky suspicion that she would jump anyway.  The Parkview Children’s minister has an irrepressible spirit.  She’s likely to jump in the water just after announcing to the world (or lifeboat survivors) that she knows she can swim to safety if she just puts her mind to it.  And she’s likely to do it just to prove that she could.  Of course, nobody would throw Dorcas overboard…so long as she didn’t try to bless them with her own rendition of “Mary Did You Know,” which is certifiably homicidal.  I have the audio-recording to prove it!

6. Tim Rogers stands the worst chance of surviving the lifeboat, simply because he’s outnumbered.  But he does argue his case until he wears down his opposition who finally quit just to get him to shut up.  Also, if the other lifeboaters will promise Tim that a trustee appointment to Southeastern Seminary or the North Carolina state convention executive board was waiting for him back at home, he’s likely to work harder than anybody else to get there.

7.  C.B. Scott is quite possibly the best hope for survival on board.  In fact, he’s been dead three or four times already, but like Johnny Cash and the Highywaymen, he just comes back again and again.  He’s also as strong as an ox, which would be quite resourceful to the survivor crew.

Keep C.B., Wade, Marty, Dorcas, and Art.  Tim Rogers and Ben Cole get the boot.  We’ll slug it out in the waters until the briny sea overtakes our tired souls.  Throw in a bottle of yo-ho-ho rum, and I bet I can get Tim to violate Resolution Number 5 on the way down.